Gospel Living and Divorce

Read Matt. 5:31-32

Jesus’ second example concerns sexual faithfulness within marriage. Before I analyze this let me give two asides about our contemporary situation.

1. Recently, the divorce rate reached its height in our nation. The divorce rate reached nearly 50% some time ago. The percentage of divorced people has doubled since 1960. We live in a society where divorce has become common, and one wonders if all the “gospel” Christians are listening to the author of the gospel on this subject.
2. Every family is touched by this tragedy. While it should be avoided and while the remedy for many marital disputes is sanctification (not divorce), neither is this the unpardonable sin. It has many repercussions, and Jesus ties it to sexual morality.

Here’s what the Scribes said. Once again, they focused only on the negative side. They cited Deuteronomy 24:1-4 as being a carte blanche for divorce. God never intended that verse to be misinterpreted that way. But in their hardness of heart they so reasoned. Some Rabbis even taught that a woman could justly be divorced for something as minor as burning her husband’s food. They developed very intricate situations and case-laws for divorce. If a husband merely ran across someone more attractive, all he had to do was just give his wife a bill of divorce. The number of causes for divorce was expanded by the Pharisees, and if one had a clever Scribe (read lawyer) then one could get a legal divorce for almost any reason. It may have been like the recently invented grounds for mental cruelty, incompatibility, psychological abuse, or irreconcilable differences. The Scribes of Jesus’ day, like the present divorce culture, said that people could be divorced if it was inconvenient or no longer fulfilling to a person’s potential. They had weakened the law. God originally instituted marriage to be an indissoluble bond—a covenant that could only be broken by adultery—which smashed the bond. The Scribes and Pharisees, however, lessened its commitment and made divorce an easily attainable act for little or no good reason.

“You’ve heard this said,” Jesus the Law-Giver says, “But I say to you, marriage is more honorable and binding in God’s eyes.” In fact, according to God, the only valid cause for divorce among believers is if there is actual adultery. Even then forgiveness if at all feasible is suggested and divorce is never mandated. This is because God takes marriage so seriously. God intends for marriage to be a holy bond between one man and one woman until one shall die. Thus he is against divorce just for convenience and says in Mal. 2:16 with much chagrin because of Israel’s practice: “I hate divorce.” That is God’s opinion! Many families and churches would be better off pursuing our Maker’s opinion than looking for clever or Pharisaical loopholes.

Jesus corrects the Scribes and Pharisees, who wished to weaken God’s view of the sanctity of matrimony, by re-stating that any marriage which is broken up, except for the only valid cause (adultery), is a violation of God’s law with disastrous and lasting effects for both parties. Jesus says that even though you issue a legal bill of divorce, if there is no valid reason, then a mere external compliance with the law will not render you innocent if you divorce for convenience.

Let’s put names with verse 32 so that it’ll be clearer. If John divorces Mary, unless Mary has actually already severed the marriage bond by committing adultery then John is guilty of adultery and breaking up the marriage. Mary is also caused to suffer the effects of this, and anyone (Tom) who wishes to be united with Mary later can do so only by marrying her who never should have been divorced.

The only reason that Jesus is so unbending here is because he wishes to protect the sanctity of marriage. He also wants to support an innocent party. He says that marriage is so important, that if one person willy-nilly divorces his spouse, that both parties and future partners in marriage suffer guilt before God for that tragic violation of God’s will. He also realizes the true effect of adultery: it is to kill the marriage. Our Lord also is gracious to allow divorce for such murder of marriage—that is the “exception” clause, issued out of our Savior’s merciful understanding.

Verse 32 gives us two unmistakable truths.

1. According to God, a marriage is to be broken up righteously only if it has already been dissolved morally. The only valid reason for divorce is actual adultery. 1 Corinthians 7 adds the practical “half ground” to include willful desertion (only) by the unbeliever.
2. If a person divorces his spouse without this cause, that person has smashed a relationship that God never intended to be broken and causes each partner lasting harm. That home-breaker is severely guilty before God, and the ramifications of their sinful choice are also injurious to innocent parties.

When a person divorces a spouse without cause not only is he/she guilty, but he/she forces the other person into the moral position of an adulterer. It is not fair to the innocent party. But, nonetheless, Christ tells us here, that this will result. And he tells us this, with the intent of discouraging causeless divorces. The reason behind all this: Marriage is so precious to God.

You know people who are divorced and you can see its ravages around us.

Research substantiates what the Scriptures have taught for centuries, i.e., that the children of broken marriages take the wounds of that with them throughout their entire adult lives. That this has dramatic consequences in our society is an understatement to be sure. There are few, if any problems, more fundamental than the changes wrought on American homes due to divorce and broken homes in the post-1960 era. In a Newsweek study (cf. Newsweek (Jan. 13, 1992, pp. 49-53), some of the following were reported:

• In a single decade, from 1965 to 1976 the divorce rate doubled.
• In a study of 60 divorced couples from California, Judith Wallerstein wrote that almost half the children in these families “entered adulthood as worried, under-achieving, self-deprecatory and sometimes angry young men and women.”
• University of Texas sociologist Norval Glenn and Kathryn Kramer found that white women who were younger than 16 when their parents divorced or separated were 50% more likely to be divorced or separated themselves. The difference was less for white males (32%) and for blacks (15-16%), but all children of divorce appeared more prone to break-ups than children who parents stayed married.
• According to a study, the adult children of divorced parents are more likely to break up than those whose parents who have stayed together. . . . 60% of recent marriages will eventually end in divorce, 10 percent higher than even the more dire predictions of the last few years.

Most kindergarten classes bear out this same demographic: out of 20 kids, usually only 20-30% are with both original birth parents by the age of 6!

The ramifications of divorce have a devastating effect on culture and the church. Gospel living should be a welcome antidote to that. Let me sum it up like this: No matter how hard things are as a Christian, you are called to depend on God to give you the strength to remain in the marriage. That means that prevention is in order. And if you think yourself too weak to do what God instructs, then go to him and ask for the Holy Spirit!

Some properly connect this passage with the beatitudes, and Chrysostom comments in his homily on it: ‘For he that is meek, and a peacemaker, and poor in spirit, and merciful, how shall he cast out his wife? He that is used to reconcile others, how shall he be a variance with her that is his own?’ From this divine ideal, purpose and call, divorce can be seen only as a tragic declension.”

So as Christians we are to practice three things in difficult marriages:

1. An iron-clad commitment that we will not contribute to a divorce, either legally, morally or in the relationship.
2. Before marriages go to the brink—practice prevention. Just as with lust, nip some problems in the bud before they get catastrophic—even at the expense of eye or right hand.
3. Realize that God can repair and restore marriages if spouses are willing. Don’t underestimate God’s power to redeem/fix marriages.

Jesus stresses the positive aspect of marriage, which is summed up by “commitment.” He depicts love not as a pathetic, fly-by-night selfishness, but rather as a determined tough-minded commitment. He advises us to hang in there when it’s tough.

In both of these areas the temptation from the world is to indulge. Jesus instead says to discipline. The followers of the world think easy divorce and numerous lusts are OK. Jesus teaches differently. And the preacher on the Mount instructs the hearers to live differently from those around us. We have to decide whether to live according to these first truths or whether to manipulate truth.

Do you need help in this area today? Is your lust about to swamp you? Are you thinking of pursuing a divorce without a biblical grounds? Then go first to the Creator of all relationships and trust him for strength.

Jesus said “Blessed are the pure in heart; for they shall see God” instead of lust and divorce. There would be fewer people in counselor’s offices if they would heed Jesus’ call to self-denial and service. Perhaps you need to ask today how you might build up your spouse or deny yourself.