Why are you Fighting?

If someone were to ask you what passions, pleasures, or desires you have, what would you say? Upon further reflection, how would you respond if they asked how these passions, pleasures, and desires cause fights with those who stand in your way of them? When we think about passions, it’s important to remember that they are not necessarily bad things. You might be passionate about music, gardening, health and fitness, or sports. You might desire a godly spouse or a better paying job to provide for your family. But when these kinds of desires morph into demands that lead to disagreements we need to stop and recognize what’s going on in our hearts.

               The book of James teaches us that we have impure passions, or disordered desires, that are actually at war within our hearts (Jas. 4:1). In fact, so disordered are these desires that we are willing to murder someone if we don’t get what we want, or fight and quarrel with someone if we can’t attain what we want (v. 2). Our passions are so unruly that we either don’t bother to pray for them at all or we pray with the wrong motives (v. 3).

               James says that such behavior is nothing less than adultery. Since believers are in a covenant relationship with the Lord (see, for example, Isa. 54:4-8; Eph. 5:22-23), we are not “to be a friend of the world” (Jas. 4:4). God is a jealous God (Ex. 20:5; 34:14; Deut. 5:9). He yearns for his people to be faithful to Him, just as a husband yearns for his wife to be faithful to him. Not only is He our Creator, He is also our Savior and King. Therefore, He wants to be our first love.

               How is it possible to not let our desires turn into demands that lead to disagreements? James tells us that God “gives more grace” (Jas. 4:6). God’s storehouse of grace is immeasurable. He never runs out. He never says you have reached your limit or that your sin was too great. To the repentant sinner, He gives more grace.

               Such grace commands a response. The call to humility permeates the commands (Jas. 4:6, 10). First, we are to submit to God (v. 7). Second, we are to “resist the devil” so that “he will flee from you” (v. 7). Third, we are to “draw near to God” (v. 8) by the means of grace. Fourth, we are to cleanse our hands and purify our hearts by confessing our sin and repenting of it. Finally, we are to “mourn and weep” (v. 9) over our sin. 

               James ends with the exhortation, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (Jas. 4:10). What a beautiful promise! Because Jesus “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross…God has highly exalted him” (Phil. 2:8-9). Therefore, all those who are united to Christ by faith will also be exalted with Him. What amazing grace!  

               What James teaches is a reflection of Jesus’s words that He spoke to His disciples. For example, in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus called the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, and the peacemakers blessed (Matt. 5:2-9). Also, when He was asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus placed a child in the midst of them and said, “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (see Matt. 18:1-4). Furthermore, in the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector Jesus revealed the sin of self-righteousness. The Pharisee was full of lofty opinions about himself, exalting himself before the Lord in prayer, telling Him what great things he had done and how great he was in comparison to others. But the tax collector wouldn’t even lift his eyes to the Lord. Instead, he begged the Lord to have mercy on a sinner like himself. Jesus closed the parable with the words, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 18:14).

               What unmet desires of yours are causing arguments with others? Let us be quick to examine our hearts, so that we might take our desires to the Lord and submit them to Him. As we humble ourselves before Him, pouring our our hearts to Him, we will find that He does indeed give more grace in our time of need.           

Sarah Ivill (ThM, Dallas Theological Seminary) is a Reformed author, wife, homeschooling mom, Bible study teacher, and conference speaker who lives in Matthews, North Carolina, and is a member of Christ Covenant Church (PCA). To learn more, please visit www.sarahivill.com.