The Wounded Shepherd: The Passive Aggressive Congregant
My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant. His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.
-Psalm 55:21
I like watching fighting scenes. I enjoy watching two guys dueling it out, with swords or knives drawn. At times the hero will take an almost mortal blow as his combatant slips a hidden knife into his side. It’s an apt picture of the kind of violence or opposition that can strike the shepherd unawares. We praise God if the hidden dagger comes from an Ehud, but we pastors or elders smart at the strike from one of the sheep. At first blush, the sheep seems so innocent, so happy to carry on being led by her earthly shepherd. But the first blush was really the first bite.
The Actions & Attitudes of this Sheep (or Goat)
In an article of this length, we can’t possibly include every conceivable attitude or action that characterizes a passive-aggressive congregant. However, some stand out. Notably, there’s aggression or opposition to the leadership, but this hostility is communicated passively, in an indirect, at times seemingly sympathetic or submissive way. There’s a difference, for instance, between a Shimei, who openly opposed David (2 Samuel 16), and an Absalom who covertly undermined his father’s leadership (2 Samuel 15). Korah and his group (Numbers 16), Miriam and Aaron even (Numbers 12), King Saul, Diotrephes (3 John), and most notably Judas all share passive-aggression in common, even though some were true believers in Christ and others were not.
These stealthy sheep (or in some cases, goats in sheep’s clothing) bite their pastor or elders through indirect/covert undermining, cloaked resistance, concealed complaints, behind-the-scenes stabbing, and/or an overall refusal of God-given and godly leadership.
You can hear the low hissing of the sword leaving its sheath.
“Hear me clearly, Pastor. I am sure the Session knows exactly what it’s doing.”
“Pastor, I wanted to bring something to your attention. It’s…it’s just that some people are saying…. They’ve asked me to bring this to you.”
“Whatever you guys decide, I want you to know that my wife and I will submit.”
“My husband and I were a bit surprised to learn of the changes to the children’s ministry. We’ll need some time to pray over these setbacks, I mean, the way forward. We’ll keep praying for wisdom for the elders.”
Nothing is wrong per se with any of the statements. But he who has ears to hear, let him hear.
A number of years ago, a preacher preached a sermon. It was a tough text that challenged the congregation. Instead of hearing the Word with meekness, faith, and love, some wanted others to hear their dissatisfaction. A certain woman, who had never darkened the door to the pastor’s office, relayed her resentment to another woman. She approached this woman on the church playground, “Good afternoon, sister. Hey, I noticed you weren’t at church last Sunday. Did you get a chance to hear the pastor’s sermon from last week?” The sister in Christ, surprised by the question, responded, “No. Not yet.” The instigator followed up, “Ok, no problem. I was just wondering what you thought about it. Hey, I’m just curious. No pressure or anything. But will you listen to it this week? And if anything sounds off, will you text me what you thought?” The discerning sister, thankfully, didn’t oblige and found a civil way to leave the one whose breath smelled of sweet morsels of gossip.
The Heart of this Sheep (or Goat)
At the heart of the passive-aggressive congregant is pride. Because of pride, the congregant complains. And why does he complain? Because at bottom, he refuses God-given, godly leadership. This series isn’t about leaders who misuse their spiritual authority. Certainly, there are examples of such domineering, arrogant leadership. But just as insidious is the heart of the member who for no biblically grounded reason kicks against the goads of God-given leadership. This heart may look for reasons and coat them biblically, but it all amounts to masking a heart covered with bitterness toward the way God designed the Church to run. Frankly, it’s often this way that the member will avoid accountability. When the pastor or elder is the problem, the congregant is innocent and doesn’t have to address the conviction that the Holy Spirit brings. If all the guilt belongs to another, there’s no need to check your own heart.
We remember God’s words to the complaining Israel, that group of grumblers who’d both directly and indirectly challenge God’s anointed mediator: “Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord” (Exodus 16:8). To grumble, directly or indirectly, against God’s gift of men for the church (Ephesians 4:11-14) is to look the gift Giver in the mouth. At the heart of the passive-aggressive congregant is a discontented disposition, an unsubmissive spirit. Her words may be softer than oil, but to the keen eye, her vocal violence reveals drawn swords.
The Heart of the Solution
The passage quoted at the start comes from David’s pen as he struggled against his enemies, men close to himself, men in his own camp. He steeled his spirit and cast his burdens upon his God. David’s struggle with these, his own internal but aggressive and passive-aggressive men pointed to the Son of David’s struggle against his familiar one, his companion, one with whom the Messianic Mediator would share a meal (Psalm 55:13-14, 20). Judas’ speech was as smooth as butter and softer than oil, yet war was in his heart (v. 21).
The only solution for the passive-aggressive congregant is for her heart to receive with humility the words of salvation that spring from the Oiled One, the Anointed Messiah, and to be cut to the heart by the Mediator’s sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17; Hebrews 4:12). Humble submission to the Savior, King over all, and Head over the Church. It was this true Hero who took the mortal wound, being pierced in the side for our transgressions, that we might pour contempt on all our pride and lift high the cross. He committed holy violence against our sin, endured divine wrath, so that we would worship him and live at peace with one another.
Rev. Dr. Michael Mock is the Pastor of Grace Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Fresno, CA and an ACBC-certified Biblical Counselor. He’s the author of Hey, Dad, Why Do We…?: Kids Ask the Greatest Questions, Old Testament Introduction and Workbook, New Testament Introduction and Workbook, Comfort from Corinthians: A Devotional Walkthrough of 2nd Corinthians for Sinful and Struggling Saints, and A Confessional Marriage: Marriage Based on the Firm Foundation and a Faithful Confession. You can find his books here: Amazon.com: Dr. Michael D. Mock: books, biography, latest update.
